How to Stop Yelling at Your Kids: 3 Easy Steps!
I didn’t realize how impatient I was until I had children. We’d enjoy our breakfast one minute, and the next, I’d yell at my kids because someone accidentally spilled the juice all over the floor. Then I’d worry, Why do I have no patience with my child? How can I stop yelling?
My kids seemed to bring out all these hidden emotions inside me! I wanted to be a patient mom, but parenting without yelling felt impossible in my day-to-day life.
With three kids, there is always noise in our house. I noticed when the noise levels increased, my patience decreased. And it was usually around dinner time that I’d start to feel anger boiling inside my body.
I’d be focusing on making dinner, and my kids would start bombarding me with questions:
“I’m hungry! Can I have a snack?”
“When is dinner ready? But I don’t like that for dinner (whine whine whine).”
And why is it when tensions already seem high, someone spills a glass of juice and makes a huge mess as I try to put something safely into the oven? AHHHHH!!! Have you ever been there?
If the answer is yes, first, you must know nothing is wrong with you. As moms, there will be moments when we feel frustrated. That’s inevitable.
Stress levels are definitely higher in these times of uncertainty. So it’s natural that when your toddler tests your patience or the baby is whining all day, you start to feel irritated.
Life is Stressful, But You Can Stop Yelling
But the good news is that we don’t have to stay stuck in our frustration. We can learn how to remain calm and not lose our temper with our kids. There are strategies we can use to be more patient moms with our babies, toddlers, and kids.
In this post, I share three ways to stop yelling at your kids. Keep reading to find out how YOU can be more patient with kids!
Lost Your Temper? Want to Stop Yelling? There is Help!
Before you beat yourself up for losing your cool, I want you to know it’s natural to feel irritated. The tools I can offer won’t stop you from ever feeling a negative emotion again. We can’t expect to never feel frustrated as moms, but we can find ways to cope positively with this frustration. It’s possible to find ways to deal with life’s difficulties without screaming at our kids all the time.
As a psychologist and mom, I’ve been working on this for years, and I’m here to tell you change is possible.
So what’s the first step?
First, we have to examine our stress levels. When I feel overwhelmed with tasks, I’m likelier to lose my temper and yell at my kids. One day, as I sat with my crying kid, I became tired of feeling angry. I realized something needed to change. My trying harder each day wasn’t helping the situation.
So I went to God in prayer, and I asked Him what needed to change. God pointed out some incorrect and honestly ugly thoughts I had about motherhood. I needed him to restore and rewire my mind. I prayed He would help me take every thought captive and reframe the ugly thoughts into helpful ones.
God also showed me that it’s not a bad thing to take care of myself. I feel best when I have some alone time in the morning. I find myself more relaxed when I have time to think without questions and pray without interruption. The trouble is that I often use my kids as an alarm clock. I need to start waking up before my kids to lower my cortisol levels and find time alone.
When I started being more intentional about finding time for myself, I nurtured my emotional health. In turn, my stress levels decreased, which helped me stop yelling at my kids.
Before we move on, it’s important to note that as we pause and examine our mental and emotional health, we’ll realize there are things we can change and things we can’t. Sometimes, we can’t change the situation or season we’re in. We don’t have control over everything that happens to us. But we can learn to calm our minds and look at the situation in a new way. We can change what we think about challenging situations.
It’s okay to ask for help.
Another part of the process was learning to ask for help. Mamas, we can’t do it all. And we need to face that fact. It’s okay to ask for help in motherhood.
If you often feel pushed to the edge and like you could lose your cool at any moment on your family, look at your stress levels. How often are you doing something for you? Do you intentionally take care of your body, mind, and soul? Brainstorm a few action steps to add more self-care and soul-care into your daily life.
Step #2: We must identify our triggers.
We must be aware of our emotions and feelings if we want to stop yelling. Are we at a boiling point? How are we feeling? Are there things we can do to stop ourselves before we get to this boiling point?
FIND YOUR TRIGGERS.
For me, it’s feeling tired. I am much more likely to lose my temper when I’m not getting adequate sleep.
Baseline anxiety is another one. When I’m anxious, it impacts my entire house. Then, I notice myself becoming less patient with my kids.
So what are your triggers?
If sleep is a priority for you, you need to start making it a priority. If making dinner without interruption is a trigger, then brainstorm ways to handle this time of day before it happens. Can I put out a tray of fresh veggies for the kids to snack on? What about planning screen time during dinner prep?
Does rushing out of the house get you flustered? What can you do beforehand to make transitions smoother?
Whatever your triggers are, take a step back and brainstorm solutions.
Do this to prevent getting to the boiling point; even if you do reach the boiling point, you have a concrete plan to help de-escalate.
Ask yourself: How can I improve the situations that tend to stress me out the most?
Whether it’s preventative measures or things you can do in the moment, think about it. Every now and then, it’s good to take a self-analysis and see how you are doing. Don’t let your big feelings reach a boiling point.
Take a few moments before you reach your breaking point to refresh and reset.
Motherhood is hard. We can’t do this alone. If you need “me-time” to refresh, try to find ways to add this to your day. Whether it’s asking your spouse for help or your family or friends for a few hours of babysitting, do it. Do it for yourself and your family.
It’s okay to ask for help or ask for a break. It doesn’t make you a bad mother. It makes you human.
Step #3: Find Perspective
Another strategy that has helped me repeatedly is to find perspective. Reframing my thoughts is so important when I find myself losing my patience and ready to scream at my kids.
I challenge my thoughts and tell myself this stage won’t last forever. There will be a time when I can cook dinner without interruption—a time when I sleep the whole night through. Whatever stage you are in, it won’t always be like this.
Also, remember you are not alone in the battle. It’s normal to have moments of confrontation. If you lose your temper, you are not a failure.
Dare I say it’s okay if your kids see you lose it occasionally? Our kids need to know we are human. Life is hard. Everyone gets frustrated.
It’s how we deal with that frustration. If you have lost it on your children and said things you regret, talk to them about it. Then, apologize and explain how you felt in the moment.
Sit down with your kids. Have an honest discussion about emotions, and apologize if you need to.
Then, brainstorm ways to improve the situation together. What could you have done differently? Show your children how to problem solve by working through this together!
Kids have moments of anger, and mommy can have them too.
It’s unrealistic to think kids will never push back or annoy you. It’s a normal part of life. But you can learn how to remain calm and parent your child joyfully
It’s important to be honest with yourself. Talk to your spouse if you’re struggling with anger. And if you need more professional help, do not be ashamed. Talk to a counselor or doctor about your feelings and get the help you need.
So what about you? Do you lose your patience with kids? Tell us how you learned to stop yelling at your kids!
I’d love to hear from you in the comments below! You can be more patient with kids!
Also, be sure to connect with our community of moms on Facebook and Instagram for more support and encouragement.
Read This Next:
- The Best Way to Find Purpose as a Stay at Home Mom
- A Week of Screen Free Parenting
- How to Bring Peace to a Worried Mom’s Heart
If you enjoyed this, you’ll love Unshakable Kids!
“Our role as a guardian includes teaching our kids how to protect and guard their own hearts” You can raise strong kids, even in a broken world!
Man I loose it more times than I care to admit with my three but this list sums up how I deal. My role as a mother is forever growing me.
This is a post that I truly needed to read! I get major mom guilt when I have lost my patience and I “lose it”.
Being a parent is hard work and there’s really nothing that prepares you for the constant demands and mix that with all the other elements of your life and it’s more than one can handle. I find stepping out of the situation helps and I can re-group and re-approach. (I don’t leave my kids alone and drive away….)but just stepping out of the room for a minute or two can really help. I will even say to my kids (I have 4) “Mommy, needs a minute to think” . But ya my patience is tried!
Great tips! I have definitely been there. When I had my twins, I was there more often than not. Learning when to walk away and give myself a “mommy timeout” helped a lot too.
I realize that I loose my cool with my daughter when I haven’t had a break. I usually have kid free weekends but since festival season has started, my little lady and I hang out on weekends. So I have been able to get a break during the week and it really helps.
Oh gosh, I lose my patience all the time! I totally thought I was a patient person before I had kids. I’m a work in progress.
Hi Lauren! I have teenagers and I still lose my cool with them. We are human. As kids get older, they start talking back and want to argue. I find it helpful to take a deep breath and remember not to engage with them in an argument when they are being moody, etc. Good luck!
I’ve been there recently with newborn woes. It was HARD. But I struggle more with losing patience with my toddler. It’s super hard to remind myself that it’s not that big of a deal. And recently I lost it so much that I had to apologize to my son because I told him mommy wasn’t being very nice. LOL.
These are such important steps to take to keep control. It can be so easy to get upset when you’re exhausted and your kids are pushing you to the breaking point. These are really helpful to redirect before it becomes anger.
Wow, this post is really great. It sums up so many of my emotions and thoughts while nursing my 3 months baby girl. And then I feel so ashamed, as I am trying so hard to feeling impatient again. This post has really helped so so much! Thank you!
I really needed to read this! I use to yell at my son all the time and stop when I received God! I was doing great but now I find myself going backwards and my husband isn’t helping at all! I’m always in the prayer closet because I refuse to go back to where I came from!
I truly enjoyed reading this and related to it. We live in a large city and have time schedules. Lately though I’ve really been conscious and realized my 3 year old doesn’t know time and schedules and that’s actually a beautiful thing. So when he wants more time to play with me before heading to the next thing I take a deep breath and enjoy the moment. I’m on a schedule not him. It’s actually been very positive and allowed us to really enjoy the small moments in life. As mothers, wife’s, professionals, etc we’ll always have somewhere to be but being in the moment is the most important lesson we can teach our children.
Hi, I came across your advice in the middle of being stuck in the hospital with my daughter. She is 19 months and she has been fussy, kicking , screaming , and it’s frustrating because the doctors are all trying to help her. This is not normal behavior for her and for sure I have become impatient and yelled at her . I then think to myself and end up in tears, simply because I know that she is still a baby and doesn’t understand much of what is going on. I searched for ways to not lose it on my child and I came across this . Thank you , this helped me in such a very tough time as a mother . I felt alone, but now I feel relatable and feel like someone understands .